Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
