i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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