JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
