i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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