walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
