I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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