Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
