last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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