I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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