This girl is more easily done than said...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
