she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
