Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
