shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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