Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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