you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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