Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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