Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
