we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
