im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
