his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
