she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
