Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize