I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Randomize
