Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
