ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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