im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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