Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
NoShamevember. You game?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
