I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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