How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
pop tarts are not kleenex
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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