even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
