Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
