I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
