i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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