Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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