ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
