I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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