Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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