Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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