We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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