Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
