I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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