needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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