The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
