worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
