She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
