we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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