how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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