That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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