Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
