listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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