Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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