Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
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I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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