I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
