She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
