Plan B is the new Plan A
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
