why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
