after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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