Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
