I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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