what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
