I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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